IRL > URL

A few days ago, I got a message from a Patreon supporter asking if I was okay. At first, I didn’t think much of it—I figured it was just a kind gesture. But then it hit me: the only reason she was asking is because I hadn’t posted in a week. My silence online made it seem like something was wrong.

Of course I’m okay. More than okay, actually. I’ve just been busy living my life. I’ve been helping the man I’m staying with get to work after his car broke down, transitioning into this new chapter of living with him, and settling into the rhythm of caring for his dog and his home. I’ve been out here, offline, doing the work of just being a human.

But that message made me stop and think about my relationship with social media. It made me realize how much of my online presence has been about proving that I’m okay—or proving that the world isn’t okay. And it got me wondering: why am I still doing this? Why am I still engaging with platforms I know are harmful?

Because here’s the thing: I know better.

I know that if it’s free, we’re the product. Our attention, our data, our time—that’s what’s being sold. And the more we engage, the more power we give to platforms that were built to exploit us. Platforms that profit off division, outrage, and our endless scrolling. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and everything under Meta’s umbrella.

Knowing all of that, how can I keep supporting them? How can I keep posting here, feeding the machine, while knowing what these systems represent?

I can’t. Just like I can’t eat at McDonald’s or Starbucks, I can’t actively work for Facebook—or for any platform that uses me as the product to line the pockets of billionaires.

And let’s not pretend we don’t know who’s running these systems. We know the people at the top don’t care about us. We know these platforms aren’t neutral. They weren’t built to help us connect; they were built to harvest our energy, attention, and time.

So I can’t keep engaging in good conscience.

What’s wild is that the more I’ve stepped away, the more I’ve realized what real connection looks like. For the past year, I’ve been homeless, traveling from place to place, staying with friends, working on farms, and building community in the real world. And let me tell you: nothing compares to the joy of an actual, in-person connection.

In Michigan, I worked with farmers who showed me what it means to care for the earth and for one another. In St. Louis, I reconnected with my friend Elena, meeting people in her circle who welcomed me with open arms. And now, I’m living with a man who notices when I’m thirsty and leaves a glass of water on the counter for me without me even asking.

This isn’t just about him—it’s about the pattern I’ve noticed this year. When you start to disconnect from the digital noise, you start to see the beauty in what’s real.

I’ve laughed more this year than I have in years. I’ve shared meals, worked side by side with people who genuinely care, and found myself surrounded by the kind of kindness that can’t be filtered or curated.

And the irony is, these platforms could have been used to build something better. But they weren’t. They were built by people who care more about profit than connection. They’ve become tools of exploitation, division, and harm

So why are we still feeding them?

That’s the question I keep coming back to. Why do we keep engaging with systems that don’t serve us? Why do we keep supporting platforms that make us miserable? Why do we justify our involvement by saying we “need” them when, deep down, we know we don’t?

If these platforms don’t align with the world we want to live in, why aren’t we building something better? Why aren’t we walking away?

And no, I’m not saying this from some high horse. I’ve been just as guilty as anyone else of pouring my energy into these systems. But I’ve reached a point where I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep feeding the fake life when the real one is so much more fulfilling.

That’s why I’m stepping back.

I’m not deleting my accounts—I’m not here to make some grand statement. But I’m done giving my energy to platforms that don’t deserve it. I’m done pretending that social media is the best way to connect when I’ve experienced, firsthand, how much better real-life connection can be.

If you’re wondering where I’ve been, the answer is simple: I’ve been living my life. I’ve been choosing IRL over URL. I’ve been feeding the wolf that represents joy, love, and community, and letting the other wolf starve.

I’m not asking you to follow me. I’m asking you to question your own relationship with these platforms. Are they helping you build the life you want? Or are they keeping you stuck in a system that doesn’t care about you?

What are you feeding? And if you don’t like the answer, what are you going to do about it?

Because we can’t keep complaining about the system while continuing to support it. We can’t keep pretending we’re powerless when we’re the ones holding it all up.

So what’s it going to be?

As for me, I’m choosing the real world. I’m choosing to pour my energy into the 360 degrees of people I can actually touch, help, and love. I’m choosing the joy of real connection, and I’m letting the rest of it go.