Stay Still
I’ve been sitting with the discomfort of realizing how much of my life has been spent navigating situations I created while trying to move toward something that always felt just out of reach. This past week, I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone—not because I’m anti-social media, but because I was startled by how instinctively my fingers would unlock my phone, tap to where the apps used to sit, and try to scroll. It wasn’t intentional. It was muscle memory.
What unsettled me most wasn’t just the habit, but what it revealed: my body, my mind, my entire being was primed to seek something outside myself. Something that drained me more than it nourished me. And it wasn’t just about the apps. It was about the instinct, the reflex, the constant pull to move toward something external when maybe everything I was searching for was already here.
This isn’t just about deleting apps or reclaiming time. It’s about asking deeper questions: Why do we move the way we do? Why do we always seem to be migrating toward something? A new platform, a new idea, a new connection, a new goal—as though the next thing will finally bring us what we’re missing. What if we stopped moving? What if, instead of migrating outward, we turned inward?
Deleting those apps made me think about the difference between movement and magnetism. We’re so busy chasing connection that we forget the power of standing still. The world around us teaches us to force attraction, to perform, to chase. We’re told that connection comes from impressing others, proving ourselves, or finding the right place to fit in. But the truth is, real connection—authentic, nourishing connection—comes when we stop chasing. When we sit still and turn inward. When we become who we truly are, without force or performance. That’s when we begin to attract the people and energy meant for us.
I’ve seen this play out in my life time and again. Take, for example, the day I found myself on the side of the road with a flat tire. I didn’t have the money to replace all four tires, and buying just one was going to cost me more than $200—a ridiculous price when you know the deal is always better for a full set. I could have scoured every shop in the area to find a cheaper option, stressing myself out and trying to force a better outcome. But instead, I chose to sit with it. I accepted that, for whatever reason, I was in this moment, and I needed one tire to keep going. A month later, completely unexpectedly, I received a coupon offering four tires for the price of three. That moment reminded me: I don’t always need the perfect solution right now. Sometimes, if I’m patient and willing to let the moment be what it is, what I need will find its way to me when the time is right.
The same has been true in my relationships. I’ve never been someone who goes searching for a partner. Instead, the people who care about me, really care about me—Lily B, the whole person—always seem to find their way into my life when I stop looking. In the past, when I was constantly chasing the next connection, the next romance, I often ended up with men who didn’t truly see me or who caused me harm. I was so focused on finding “better” that I missed what was right in front of me. Now I understand that when I sit still and simply live as my most authentic self, I attract people who are aligned with me. It’s in that stillness, that refusal to chase or fill a void, that the most meaningful connections happen.
Patience, calmness, and stillness have shown me that I don’t need to move to fix myself or my life. I move when it’s time to nurture what I already have, to add to the pile of love and connection I’ve built—not to fill a hole, but to grow from a place of fullness. The stillness doesn’t mean settling; it means trusting that what’s meant for me will come and that I’ll know when it’s time to take the next step.
This realization hit even harder when I saw the news about the potential TikTok ban. Over 170 million people are mobilizing to save the platform, fighting for an app that lets us express ourselves, create, and connect. And I get it—TikTok has become a lifeline for so many. It’s a space where people feel seen and heard, where communities form, where creativity thrives.
But even as people scramble to save TikTok, I can’t help but think about what we’re really fighting for. Are we fighting to save connection, or are we fighting to save convenience? Because real connection doesn’t depend on an app. It doesn’t depend on a platform. Real connection is magnetic. It’s built on authenticity, care, and effort.
What I’ve noticed, though, is how often we mistake movement for connection. When something we depend on disappears, we scramble to find the next thing. Let’s all move to BlueSky! Snapchat! Patreon! We migrate from one platform to the next, searching for a space to belong. But what if we stopped searching? What if we stopped moving outward and started moving inward?
Sure, there’s value in technology. It allows us to connect across distances that would otherwise separate us. But I also can’t help but wonder how we’ve come to rely so heavily on tools that make connection effortless. There was a time when we wrote letters. When we made phone calls. When we set aside time to truly connect—not just scroll through someone’s life while ignoring our own. Back then, connection required effort. It required presence. And maybe that’s why it felt so much deeper, so much more real.
Now, we fight to hold onto platforms that give us the illusion of connection without the work. But what would it look like to build spaces where connection isn’t about convenience, but about care? What would it look like to stop chasing, to stop moving outward, and to instead become magnets for what we need?
When I think about connection, I think about magnetism. I think about the quiet power of being fully present with ourselves, of becoming so aligned with who we are that we no longer need to chase anything. Instead, we pull in what we need—people, opportunities, energy—not because we’re forcing it, but because we’ve become a source of it.
This isn’t about saving TikTok. It’s about saving ourselves. It’s about remembering that connection isn’t something we find out there. It’s something we create within ourselves. And when we do that, when we stand still and reach inward, the energy we create ripples outward. It attracts the people and opportunities that align with who we truly are.
We’re always moving, always migrating, always searching for the next thing. But maybe the real journey isn’t outward. Maybe it’s inward. And maybe, just maybe, the answers we’ve been chasing have been with us all along.